Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Author Gary Morgenstein stops by...

How to Find a Woman...Or Not (Volume 1)Readers, please join me welcoming Gary Morgenstein, author of How to Find a Woman...Or Not who's guest blogging here today.

Finding true love isn't impossible as long as you view the entire world as one big singles bar. Walking your dog, practicing yoga, riding mass transit, buying a book, even visiting a friend in the hospital can lead to the woman of your dreams. Critically-acclaimed novelist/playwright Gary Morgenstein provides the romantic roadmap!

Using his own battle-scarred experiences as a divorced man along with many years "spinning" as a public relations specialist, Morgenstein takes men (and women eager to go inside the mind of a guy) on a step-by-step comic and erotic guide to love and sex. From making eye contact, dazzling opening lines, online etiquette, younger and older women and how to conduct yourself on a date to what goes into a successful relationship (in and out of the bedroom), How to Find a Woman...Or Not is a riotous, poignant and indispensable blueprint for passion and commitment.

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TRUE LOVE COULD BE ONLY ONE SUPERMARKET VISIT AWAY

Tired of spending Saturday nights alone with your Netflix and take-out Thai food? Afraid to take calls from your mother because she starts every conversation with “I guess I’ll never have grandchildren.”

Sure, finding true love is difficult. That’s why I wrote How to Find a Woman…Or Not. But this isn’t your typical dating book. My thesis is that if you only focus on finding your soul mate in a bar or online or speed dating or any of the conventional ways, you better up that Netflix subscription to three movies at a time.

All the world’s a Singles Bar. Gyms, mass transit, book stores, Laundromats, airport terminals and on and on. If you know where to look and how to look. For today, let’s examine the vast romantic landscapes that are supermarkets.

I’m talking about your traditional grocery stores to upscale venues like Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s and Dean and DeLuca. The first thing a woman will look at – after you – is what’s in your grocery cart.

So if you’re heading to the grocery store with more in mind than that evening’s meal, remember:
  • Don’t load up on beer
  • A woman will then assume you like to drink, have friends who drink and will come over, making a mess and annoying her
  • Avoid Pringle’s chips, onion dip, etcetera, any of the classic guy noshing food
  • Conversely, saying you like Sun Chips for the fiber suggests you’re nutritionally dense
  • Proudly insisting you only eat low-fat Nathan’s franks classifies you as a moron
  • Nothing spicy in case she has stomach issues
  • Hide the toilet paper under the 12-grain bread. She’ll crinkle her cute little nose that they aren’t the soft kind, fearing her butt will bleed from wiping
  • No food which betrays a health problem, like clear broths or Mrs. Potter’s Boiled Gesteybos for Problem Halitosis
And always make sure you have:
  • Cleaning fluids/sprays. Says she won’t have to hold her breath upon entering your bathroom
  • Healthy snacks like low-fat crackers or reduced fat cheese so she won’t worry about gaining weight if she hangs out with you
  • Oatmeal or low-fat shredded wheat cereal, you get the idea -- no Cocoa Puffs!
  • She wants to know breakfast will be nutritious or else won’t stay over and you’ll lose out on morning sex when she’s too sleepy to refuse something kinky
  • Eggs because you might cook her breakfast
  • Soy milk even if it makes you gag
  • Fish since they’re always looking to eat healthy
  • Tortillas for a late night “quesadilla”
The eyes are the window to the soul, but the shopping cart says what life would be like with you as her guy.

Novelist/playwright Gary Morgenstein’s How to Find a Woman…Or Not is a comic how-to guide to love, romance and sex, viewing Planet Earth as one potential singles bar, from gyms, mass transit, grocery stores and doctors’ offices to online dating. Morgenstein is the author of four novels: Loving Rabbi Thalia Kleinman, a romantic triangle about a divorced man who falls for a woman rabbi; Jesse’s Girl, the heart-pounding story of a widowed father’s search for his adopted teenage son; the political thriller Take Me Out to the Ballgame, and the baseball Rocky The Man Who Wanted to Play Center Field for the New York Yankees. His prophetic play Ponzi Man performed to sell-out crowds at a recent New York Fringe Festival. Gary is presently on a virtual book tour with Pump Up Your Book. If you would like to find out where he’s touring, click here (http://www.pumpupyourbook.com/2010/01/15/how-to-love-a-woman-or-not-virtual-book-tour-february-2010/).
Finding that other half of you is perhaps the best experience there ever can be. Thanks for these fun yet useful points, Gary!

Note - This book was received for review/feature consideration. This is part of a virtual blog tour by Pump Up Your Book Promotion.
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